Am not anti America, by the way.
I just find this kind of tailored, overtly obvious, ultra macho TV dirge fest for the lacking in attention span dumb masses, an exceptionally stupid, hilarious and turgid affair, all at once. Here are some pointers as to why....
When I turn the TV on for the first time in a day, because the ancient set top box constantly wants to update, it goes straight to the last channel I watched, before spending 7 minutes failing to update. Hence, the above caveat excuses my, around 11 AM yesterday, finding myself confronted with a programme which wasn't, but may as well have been called " loud macho American men look for treasure in a far off exotic location where machismo matters". Because that is the premise which underpins Caribbean Treasure Hunters.
The obviousness and repetition of key facts is all encompassing. Its so obvious and repetitious that the obviousness and repetition of key facts is all encompassing. Its rigorously edited to make otherwise meaningless, but lets not forget, macho, statements, stand out, by repeating them in different contexts, lest its target audience of goldfish should perhaps be distracted by a shiny object or human being and fail to grasp the macho obviousness laid before them on a huge, shiny, loud, macho, salver.
Whilst diving in shark infested waters (alas no boiling geysers could be located in the Caribbean) they miked up the two macho divers. Prior to this breathlessly brave exploration they had forcefully laid out their intentions to each other, with both nodding vigorously and in a macho style, as if their craniums detatching fully and falling off was all part of the expected landscape of macho treasure finding. For men.
Diving in the suspected location, Macho chap A says "Oh my Gawd, I think I see an AAANCHORRR!". Macho chap B responds "Oh my gawd! What is that?!!!". McA "It looks just like a rilly hyuge Aaanchorrr" McB "Oh my Goodnesssss, its a rilly hyuge Aaanchorr!. Returning to the surface, MC's A and B go straight to their shipmate colleagues who ask "Hey, did yer fine anything worth seeing? Like a hyuge aaanchurrr?" They respond, in a surprising development for those of us who have yet to cotton on to the key fact in this segment "Yurherrr, it was a rilly hyuge aaanchorrr!!!!". So thats an anchor then. A large one. Just to clarify.
There are also repeated phrases about the key fact (the anchors were allegedly dropped by cappun Jim Bob where he dropped his treasure in the 1800s) such as another Macho but marginally more learned chap saying "there doesn't appear to be a cross section at the top, theres a section where it would have gone in to the metal frame but it was made of wood and having been in the sea 200 years will have rotted away." This phrase is repeated twice more during the same dive, then shown as part of a recap two lengthy minutes later, in case the water headed babies watching had forgotten the key fact, and also segued in as part of an early episode prelude as to what would happen in part 2, only ten minutes into the show. Thank Goodness! exclaim Billy Steve and Ringboab, at least we now know the material and potential aqual degradation of the top part of the anchors they are trying to locate! Thank goodness indeed.....
Then there is the deception aspect - the four huge muscly guys set up camp with an older wiser individual who advises them of the poisonous lizards ten feet long, and eye munching tarantulas native to the island. The very biggest guy, his accumulated weight obviously identifying him as the hardest and most fearless of the assembled freak show, pretends to be terrified and runs back to the boat crying. You see? His gargantuan mass does not protect him against his arachnophobia!! He's just like you and I! And yet he will still wake at low light and set off by himself to find the pirate treasure....
When said bounty is unsurprisingly unlocatable, all the assembled meat hills are quick to sound positive about their immense combined failure, even high fiving each other when they return to port to exclaim at how close they had been to an immeasurable underwater fortune just half an hour earlier. If you are macho, failure is fine, especially if there was apparently no expectation of finding anything in the first place. The themes of machismo and deception sit uncomfortably together in a giant man hug til the closing credits.
Am sure if I was a flat earth believing, fundie simpleton with a slack jaw and a clodpate I would find this invigorating exploration of pointless male self congratulation a delight to behold.
Its just that am not.
So I don't.
A big bare chested high five and cavernous guffaw to follow methinks!
Yannis
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